Dead Sexy
by Asher Elric
Summary: Ed is tired of Mustang making fun of him, so, he decides to get back at the Colonel.


Summary –Ed wants to get back at Mustang

Summary –Ed wants to get back at Mustang. He comes up with the perfect plan.

A/n – Explanation at the end.

Disclaimer – I don't own a thing, I just got inspired.

**Dead Sexy**

"WHO THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS!?" Edward Elric yelled into the rain. The streets around him and Alphonse were completely empty and so he didn't worry about anyone glaring or shaking their heads at his inane behavior.

"Ni-san, you and Colonel Mustang always fight," Al replied, he sighed in irritation.

"Grrr….he shouldn't make fun of my height! Do I make fun of his hair or even the fact that he wears a uniform?" Ed waved his arms about, trying to get his point across.

"Ni-san, Colonel Mustang _has_ to wear a uniform," Al replied. If he could roll his eyes, he would have.

"I know, but I am just so tired of always getting a stupid lecture whenever we come back without any viable leads on the stone. He should know how dedicated about it we are," Ed glowered up at Al as they walked down the street. Above them thunder began to roll in and Ed knew that they would be soaked by the time they got to their apartment.

"What are you going to do?" Al asked.

"I don't know but it has to be something cool, everyone has to know about it and it has to be so EMBARASSING that he won't open his fat mouth next time we see him…" Ed muttered off, deep in thought of different plans he could try. Each one more bizarre than the last and had to be discarded as "too stupid" or "in my dreams".

Al didn't try to continue the conversation, by the huge grin of defeat on Ed's face and the flame in his eyes, Al knew that by the time they left town the next evening, Ed would have gotten back at Mustang. He just hoped that it wasn't something that could get Ed kicked out of the army. Then they wouldn't have access to the library.

He desperately hoped that Ed didn't do anything stupid.

--

Edward hadn't told Alphonse what he was up too. A) Because the less Al knew the less he could actually say. If anyone asked the huge walking armor, Al could only say that he had no clue and that would be the truth. Ed wasn't going to say anything to Al about it and even if Al had his suspicions, he wouldn't accuse Ed unless Ed said anything.

And so, it late that night when Edward made his way to Mustang's home; the man lived off base, which would make his job so much easier. It was a small two level house. Ed found the Colonel almost asleep, the window open in the kitchen. The table had been moved close to the window, there was a cup of coffee and Ed couldn't have asked for a better set up even if he were religious. When Mustang left the room for a few seconds, Ed put two white pills into the coffee. They dissolved quickly and Ed hid once more when Mustang sat down to enjoy his coffee and paper again.

Ed only had to wait a few seconds till the labored sounds of snoring came to him. Grinning like a maniac, Edward climbed into the window. This was going to be the best payback he had ever thought of.

From out side, a squirrel noticed blue light, but after a few seconds of nothing else happening, he went back to his nut hunting.

--

Groaning, Roy had no clue how he fell asleep on the floor in his living room. Whipping the sleep from his eyes, Roy noticed the large stuffed teddy bear he had been curled against. Wondering how the hell that got there or if he was somehow dreaming life, Roy stood. Stretching, Roy suddenly noticed something else….

Screaming, Roy ran upstairs to his bedroom to correct the problem.

He hoped he was dreaming…

--

Falman, Hawkeye and Hughes stood around the office. The others hadn't arrived it, but some liked to be early to get in the best mugs of coffee before it got too bitter. Falman was almost on the floor from laughing so hard, Maes was blinking but couldn't help but be amused and Riza pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and finger.

It was then that Roy entered the office, early for once. He was slightly red in the face, but Riza wanted to think it was from the long run her commanding officer might have taken just to be at work on time.

"Hey, Roy…what is this all about?" Maes asked, he waved a blue flyer in Roy's face. On the front was a picture of Roy looking smug, in huge red letters on the top and bottom it read: **COLONEL MUSTANG IS DEAD SEXY…**an arrow had the reader turn it over. On the back was another picture of Roy cuddling up to a huge teddy bear, his thumb in his mouth and it was finished with the words: **IN A MINI-SKIRT!!**

His face went red, for he didn't wake up in a dream, this was reality. He actually did wake up in that damn plaid blue mini-skirt, and here was the proof!

"EDWARD ELRIC!!"

--

Ed had decided to leave early; He and Al were just boarding the train when they heard someone yelling as if they had just witness something embarrassing.

"EDWARD ELRIC!!"

Ed and Al looked back at the Central Army HQ building, Al looked at his brother who just shrugged. But the smirk on his brothers face gave the blond away.

Al decided to deny everything. Ed hadn't told him a thing anyway.

--

A/N – Okay, so, while at work I kinda surf you-tube. I put in a search for Ed Elric's voice actor. Well, I watched a few things on Vig and one of the lines that everyone wanted him to say wasn't even one in the anime. He was asked to say something nice about Mustang and he goes "Colonel Mustang is dead sexy…" and as added comic effect and as a way to be sarcastic he added "In a minni-skirt". So, that is my inspiration for this piece.


End file.
